Loving Kindness Excercise: Wow, this was difficult for me. I can totally understand why it is recommended that this be practiced over and over again. At this point, the exercise was overall not a positive experience or successful.
My first attempt (and there were several!) was a struggle. I had to trouble keeping my mind from wandering during the exercise and at times found the background noise of the waves hitting the shore very distracting, as well as the occasional instrumental playing. On my third or fourth attempt with the exercise, I was able to embrace the and bring into my mind and heart a person that I have always felt great love and tenderness towards, my grandmother. At first it was difficult because she passed away several years ago, so it was hard to get past the feelings of sorrow of the loss, and concentrate only on the warmth and love of her. Finally though I was able to feel the warmth fill me and turn it inward in my heart and enjoy the light and swirling sensations.
Trying to reconcile with bringing in the pain of another, dissolving it within the heart, and then releasing back to that person the health and happiness was even more difficult for me. I imagined breathing in the physical pain my daughter must be feeling due to her need to have a cyst removed. This was a very heavy heart feeling and it seemed like I couldn't relax and just breath through it, I could feel my chest just tightening. A little frightening. More frightening though was the visualization of bringing in all the pain of a group of people. I found this truly difficult, and am not comfortable at all with this part of the exercise.
The mental workout involved in this exercise was certainly tasking. It will take much practice to be able to fully embrace the activity of this exercise to turn it into being beneficial towards my psychological health and therefore integrating it into overall better health.
I would like to offer you a suggestion, if I may. Not all guided meditations are for everyone and you might find one that works for you. There are many different types with different music, sounds and voices. Once you find one that is soothing to you it won't be as much work as you would expect.
ReplyDeleteI am so with you on the challenge aspect. I enjoyed the waves, but struggled with bringing strangers pain "inside". I am the type of person who takes other's pains to heart and this is exhausting for me. I am at a place in my life where I am learning to separate myself from their pain and just be there for them without taking their pain on. Maybe this exercise is supposed to help us to help relieve their burden without taking it on--to help lighten their load without carrying it ourselves?
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about my mother-in-law who has been in a lot of pain and will be getting a hip replacement Tuesday. That too, gave me a heavy feeling, but I was able to replace that with positive energy of healing that I hoped would pass on to her.
This mental workout was very difficult for me as well because my focus was continually broken from the sounds of the waves. I am person that needs complete silence when engaging in deep thought and the different sounds throughout this exercise completely took me out of my concentration. I can also relate to finding focus with others because the only time I actually came close to the feeling that I believed we were trying to reach was when we had to bring in pain from our loved ones and exhale that pain back out positively. I most certainly need practice at these mental workouts but I will remain focused in my progression as you should because practice makes perfect. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteIt seems you are very intuned with your emotions and that you have had a lot of pain in your life. I can see why this exercise was so difficult for you. I must have let myself off the hook becuase I did not think of my father who past away, although I have strong feelings about our relationship. Perhaps I should do this exercise again and focus on Him? Great blog.
ReplyDeleteI can understand your pain and frustration. It is important for us to use all emotions to obtain our integral approach to healing, but when I am presented with the situation we have been faced with in this exercise, I tried to hold onto the good feelings and emotions I experienced with the first part of the exercise. I felt that this helped me to dissolve the pain much easier because I knew that being able to do that would bring a positive karma to that person or people. Good luck to you on this journey and your daughter and her surgery.
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